Goodbye

I never want to see my cousin/supposed best friend's face again.  she attacks me at our family get together because she is mad that im mad at her. bitch ran off to her car calling me "cold heartless bitch that will die alone." i'd rather die alone and be true to myself and not ditch or hurt my friends than fuck a guy 12 years older than me and lose all my friends. i hope she forgets my face and forgets my name for im never talking to her again. next time i see her, i'll punch her in her bitch mouth. im also trying to find a way to talk to my friend's friend. he is friends with the boy and i want to get to know this boy more. he seems a lot like me.
i dont know about life...i just want to punch my hand through a wall. ps: got up to 50 cuts into my arm for being weak and stupid. i let them bring me down. so i put 50 cuts into my arms. no one notices. i want to tell my brother but i feel like he will tell or he wont understand. i want someone to tell but who can i trust with my secrete? shouldd i tell him?
please tell me
roki