Today.......what do you call it?

So it turns out that boy who had Tada's last name, doesn't. Our teacher can't see.
Second. I sat in the hall outside the room I have Japanese and silently studied. This guy from my class (i don't know his name) asked me to answer some questions for his composition paper. I gladly helped and went back to my spot I was sitting before. This guy then tells me I can some sit by him, boy who doesn't have Tada's last name, and older guy (who is in our class, he's like my dad's age, therefore, he is old guy). So, I gladly go and sit by them. And they all talk, I didn't say much...I should have boy who doesn't have Tada's last name, we will call this boy...uh...the dude. Yeah, the dude. Okay, on with the story, the dude is kind of cute. Today is also The Used concert, only I couldn't go. I had class. In honor of this great band I had to miss again (didn't get to see them on warped tour either), I listened to them all day. This is one of my favorite songs:Buried Myself Alive
It reminds me of the situation with my cousin but I like that song. It is the first time that I noticed that snake bites are super cute :3.
Back to reality, I have been having a low day. Just thinking of my cousin makes me angry but it showed this really ugly side and forgive me. It is not a side I hope to ever voice. I walked away from her and her life angry. She told everyone around me that she was so sad to not have me but then says hateful things to me. She goes on with her life and as far as I can tell, she is happy. I, in my ugly state, wanted/still want her to suffer. I want her to suffer as she made me. I want her to feel the same way when I felt that I wasted my life on her. I want her to feel the hate I have towards how she acts when she is smoking weed. I want her to feel like she lost something that may have been all made up in her mind this whole time. I want her to feel like she is slowly going crazy because she never kept anything from this person and then this realizes how naive she has been. She realizes that other person has kept so many secretes from her. And that promise they made way back a few years ago, is only being kept by one side. And that she can't even tell this person now because of everything that she misses her and wished that her friend never got into drugs. She wishes that she would be still the same person that she would run to when things got bad. She wishes that all the good times weren't feelings of wasted time. She wishes that she could tell her about the problem she has with cutting and how far she's gone to cover it up. And how sometimes...she just needs a hug.
But instead, I fall back into reality. I wipe the tears away and go on with life because that's how it is. You suck it up and take it as it is shoved at you.
I'll be just fine pretending I'm fine.
~~~~Roki~~~~






Let's go back when the world was full of color and not distortion................